Expecting mother demands mother-in-law take care of her for 40 days after birth, MIL refuses when asked to stay in a hotel: 'I am willing to come up for a weekend at most if I cannot stay in their home'

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    AITA for refusing to a help visit for my DIL and son since they won't allow me to stay in their home
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    My son married Sierra (fake names) and they live two states over. Sierra is from a culture where it is customary after she gives birth she will not do any household chores. The family members (mostly women) will go over and do all those chores. So cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. She explained this to me and it happens for a few weeks after the birth.
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    She is not close to her family and it was asked of me to come up for a few weeks and do this. My son will be back on call a week and a half after she gives birth. She is suppose to give birth in about a month and I was talking about logistics of the whole thing. I asked were I would sleep and she informed me that I will need to get a hotel. This shocked me since they own a nice home.
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    I thought it over and decided I do not want to do this. I was already going to be doing them a huge favor by being a live in maid. I was going to use all my PTO for this and now I will have to also live in a hotel. This isn't even a culture I am a part of. I informed her that I will not be able to come up for the time she wanted if I have to stay in a hotel. I am willing to come up for a weekend at most if I can not stay in their home.
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    I thought it over and decided I do not want to do this. I was already going to be doing them a huge favor by being a live in maid. I was going to use all my PTO for this and now I will have to also live in a hotel. This isn't even a culture I am a part of. I informed her that I will not be able to come up for the time she wanted if I have to stay in a hotel. I am willing to come up for a weekend at most if I can not stay in their home.
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    1. He told me that Sierra I got a call from my son and he is has been crying since and that I am being a . That I am disrespecting her culture and rejecting her from the family. That he knows I could afford this (I could but I don't want to pay thousand of dollars to be a maid) We got into an argument. I explained my points about but he wasn't having it. AITA?
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    Only-Ingenuity7889 2 days ago At the absolute very least, THEY can foot the hotel bill. You may wind up being thankful to be able to leave the drama daily, instead of staying at the house. If you choose to go, make crystal clear you are not on 24 hour, drop-everything call. Additionally, is keeping your son from stepping up to do chores? It's not his culture that it has to be done by women. NTA
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    Inevitable_Nature 985 OP 2 days ago I don't know. The whole time she was explaining this tradition all I could think it was sexist as
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    Peony-Pony 2 days ago edited 2 days ago Why aren't your daughter in law's family flying in and staying in a hotel? It sounds like she needs to get over her issues with her family if she wants to adhere to this cultural tradition.
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    Inevitable_Nature985 OP 2 days ago She isn't close to them for multiple reasons.
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    keephopealive4you - 2 days ago Doesn't make it your job to cater to her culture because of that.
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    majordashes 2 days ago Right this is DIL's culture. Not the MIL's! Why would anyone assume that someone would want to take all of , entitled and that on? That's so disrespectful. MIL should stay in a hotel (and be glad she's not smack dab in the drama), visit her grandchild and have a nice time. She can help out as all good MIL's would do. But to DEMAND she take on the role as full-time, handmaid slave is beyond ridiculous.
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    SnooMacarons4844 2 days ago Yeah, if I were in this situation and told I had to stay in a hotel, I would be offended. Has nothing to do with the money part.
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    Celtedge65 - 2 days ago If you demanded the "respect" of a different culture but expected me to pay for it, I'd be very offended. DIL'S estrangement from her family should not create a problem for you.
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    SlowAdhesiveness 901 2 days ago Additionally, it sounds like this job is typically fulfilled by a group of women - not a solitary woman. So you're being tasked with fulfilling the role of her whole community "village".
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    Peony-Pony 2 days ago They can either get over it and contact her family, your son can extend his leave, hire a home companion or up. These seem to be their choices. it
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    ShanLuvs2Read - 2 days ago Exactly... they have post partum doulas that will come to people home and do this for mom... OP, I would advise your son to look up to see if DIL has a local group of the same back ground from a local church or at least that can recommend a doula that knows this tradition that can help.
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    R4eth 2 days ago If she's not close to her family, then why the is she insisting on upholding this tradition? It's your son's wife and kid. It's his responsibility to make sure they're cared for postpartum. After my son son was born, my wife and I were grateful to have my parents and in laws nearby to help us out, but we didn't demand they become on call, live in servents. We only have a 2bed/2.5 bath apartment, so they couldn't have stayed if they wanted to lol.
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    Any-Maintenance 5828 2 days ago edited 2 days ago Op, You are NTA! I'm eating lunch with 2 friends that are from similar culture(South America)as your DIL and they both said that your DIL is trying to take advantage of you!! They said putting you in a hotel is very shameful!! Your son is a fool for going along with this. They read your story and both are pretty sure she is making up some of these culture things. Completely NTA!!
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    artfulcreatures 2 days ago I mean, tbh it is his responsibility to care for the mother and house while she's caring for the baby in the first few weeks. He should be coming home and doing everything instead of trying to guilt OP into doing it.
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    IamIrene . 2 days ago edited 2 days ago INFO: Not knowing what culture you're talking about but, it would seem reasonable that if that much time and effort is expected you would be staying with them 24/7. Is that the case with the culture you're talking about? Edited for judgment: "La cuarentena: a 40-day postpartum ritual practiced in many Latin American cultures, aimed at supporting new mothers in their recovery and bonding with their babies. During this period, women are traditionally cared f

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